John 14:28-31

John 14:28-31 You heard me say, "I am going away and I am coming back to you." If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me, but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me.

Come now; let us leave.

Deliverer!

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Note of explanation: This morning, I (Mom) sat down at the computer fairly early because Dad had a coffee date with a former colleague. I wanted to quickly finish a final proofreading of a special breakfast we started two days ago. Several times over the past year and especially since January, we have thanked you for your patience with sporadic breakfasts that come at odd hours. Some of you wrote and encouraged us to write when we could and blessed us with your words. With ongoing health problems, in January I was hit hard when I began an unexpected and difficult journey with repressed childhood memory syndrome and PTSD. Of course I had prior struggles over traumas we thought we had let Christ heal in my life, but we had no idea all these terrible things were buried deep beneath the surface. More than ever before, I (we) began to practice what we have taught and preached these many years: CHRIST IS OUR EVERYTHING.

He is my strength, my hope, my peace, my joy--all that I need, in the day and in the night. I am more than a conqueror through Christ who gives me strength and makes his strength perfect in my weakness. Because He lives, I live also; and by faith in his resurrection power, I can think, walk, talk, breathe, and face another day, another night, another minute without crumbling into a million pieces. And I do that one day, one hour, one moment, at a time as do all people in recovery. I am unsure of many things, but I know for sure who Christ is and who I am in him because I know his Word and his Word is true. He is in me and I am in him. My life is hidden with Christ in God. I have come to realize we have had an amazing dialogue since my earliest days, for as long as I can remember, since before I turned three years old. I have heard his voice saying: "I am here; I love you; you are my little flower of my heart; do not be afraid; hold my hand; listen to me, Jacqueline; look at me; I am holding you; I am beside you; I will never leave you; trust me; I will cover you"; and so much more.

This was a hard week, a hard month, in a series of hard months. The seizures I have had this past year have taken a heavy toll as well as other issues. The aftereffects of the seizure I had on my birthday on July 2nd are not going away as fast as I would like. Some of the misfiring in the synapses in my brain cause me frustration, confusion, and serious problems. Writing the breakfasts costs me time, effort, and energy; BUT they bring me enormous joy in the Lord: a sense of victory, a feeling of usefulness and calling in the body of Christ. By practicing persevering faith and trusting in the Holy Spirit, I am able to function by faith in Christ regardless of vertigo or lack of balance, regardless of whether I stutter because of aphasia or constantly have to correct my spelling, sentence structure, and punctuation. Cliff can give me two inspired paragraphs; and I can expand them as the Spirit leads me and gives me scriptures, insights and revelation that bless us and others. I praise God for that privilege. When I am not at counseling, a medical test, or a specialist's office; I can study the Word, meditate, pray, and WRITE, finding power and strength in the Lord.

Just as I was about to push send today, I realized the automatic spell checker was off, and my brain could not tell me how to spell deliverer, just as some days it will not tell me what day it is or how to use the ATM machine (I am not joking). So I tried to use the spell checker, and I lost six hours of work and what I believe was one of the most encouraging breakfasts I have written all month. I wept bitter tears leaning over the keyboard. I wanted to flail about in anguish--too much, too many little foxes eating at the tender vines of my life, too fragile, too weary. Then I said, "No, it is never too much, that is a lie from the pit of hell, a fiery dart, a messenger from Satan sent to buffet me." I tried everything to fix it. Even called a friend to try to help me. Then the Spirit said, "Let go, Jacqueline. The breakfast was for you. Give it to me. Trust me. I will comfort you. I am here. . ." Later I wept in Cliff's arms as he told me everything I already know, and then I knew what to do. Here is the breakfast for today: Deliverer! That is the truth. Our Deliverer has come; He is Enough. Maybe it is the breakfast for the next week or the next month. Praise God! Love, Mom